Of Bungoma and Bungoma men

The other day, a friend was making fun of my hometown. He kept saying Bungoma couldn’t bear to stay out of the headlines and I kept denying it. Well I was wrong. Something always happens to bring it back to the spotlight, where it belongs I guess. I wouldn’t want to put too much emphasis on the fact that my home town is also the home to impeccable drama, but unfortunately I have to.

It was not long ago when our very own ‘James Bond Wanjala’ scaled the heights of reality television, literally. I’m glad the he finally got a free countrywide chopper ride, courtesy of a renowned politician, which was rather safer than hanging from a chopper ferrying the late Jacob Juma’s body at Bungoma airstrip. That was the biggest event that spurred to international news including CNN and Al Jazeera. What most people don’t know, especially those not from Western Kenya is that if we did a drama ranking, Bungoma can only be second to Nairobi if not top for that matter.

Several years ago, Sarika hit the headlines, a hindu lady marrying her Bukusu darling, daring the wrath of her very bitter parents who were opposed to the marriage. Nevertheless, I was personally impressed by Wanjala Timothy for wooing a hindu spinster. He was a hero to most of us Bungoma men. I think the marriage became sort of a tourist attraction. With paparazzi locals, only most didn’t have cameras and their stories would be told not just on national tv but also in busaa dens at mama pima. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t work and the couple fell out a few months later. They however made the love story of the year. That was nice but strange love by a Bungoma man.

At least you can understand Bungoma men and their love affairs. I couldn’t say so with their neighbors though. Their counterparts in Busia were selling wives. Yeah, that’s right. Word was, you would go buy yourself a wife in Busia. That was sometime ago. The other neighbors with stained demeanor are the two Kakamega men who swapped their wives on Christmas Eve. The two even had agreements with the local authority until one of the wives wanted her man back. You can’t imagine.

Nonetheless, my hometown has diverse drama, not just love and love gone sour. We had the famous ‘Jehovah Wanyonyi.’ A man who proclaimed himself to be the almighty and even threatened to pass harsh judgement on none believers. This was before he seemingly ascended to heaven according to his followers, although a KTN reporter’s investigative report indicated otherwise. Most recently, there’s wind of another Jesus in Tongaren, which is part of the larger Bungoma. I wouldn’t tell much about him because his story has only begun. Maybe he’ll join the long list of controversial prophets to have inhabited my homeland. I still remember the one who told us the world was ending so he dung a hole but eventually came out when it didn’t.

Am most proud of Wafula, who rode his black mamba for about 400km from his home village in Misanga to Lodwar to go watch his favorite team play in highschool competitions.

Drama. Drama. Drama. If I were to write about leadership drama, I would exhaust you right now. Didn’t you hear about Bungoma Senator’s fight with his wife that left him bruised although they both went to the same police station to report each other? Or the guerilla tactics of my member of parliament that involves bees at an opponent’s rally? I know I had to mention Lusaka’s casinogenic wheelbarrows that cost ksh. 100 000 but I’ll have to publish that in my book coming soon. Otherwise, I’m hungry. I would be lying if I didn’t say all I want right now is Ugali with ingokho(chicken), because I hail from the great Bungoma 😉. If you’ve not been to Bungoma, you don’t know what you’re missing.

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She-Tenacity

If you break me from top
Tip grows back you know
Try my roots
Maybe I’Il wither off .
My left is crying
Sign am sad inside
My right is crying
Sign am glad inside.
Winter is a must
Spring is a must too
Give it days
Al turn orange again.

I don’t shout in streets
Bitter unforgiving streets
I walk upright
Snow on my neck .
I dust off
Replace shoes maybe
I pick up.
All that fell from top.
Bad weather bad days
Good weather good life
Storms are real
Face them head up.
gods of land and sea
I took a fall for your will
I blame the waters
Unpredictable to man.
No tale is bad tale
All tales are worth telling
We learn as we grow
We shed but it grows.

By Laura Cash

Am honored to host this piece from Laura Cash.

Return of the Chauvinist

Three for her, one for him? Or is it, let her have it, mwanaume ni kutafuta?

It is normal today to hear about everything girl child. From support groups to endorsements, not to mention sponsorships. The girl is too glorified. I wouldn’t have a problem with that, hey, I’ve got two sisters who can have everything I have and can give without question, at any time.

Good for them. That notwithstanding, I’ve got a little brother too. So I’ll ask the question, where the hell is boychild support?

Weaklings?

I thought once this efforts were to support the girl for she’s weak, but have not the kinds of Oprah Winfrey, the lovely Michelle Obama or our very own Wangari Maathai proven anything? To a woman, money, power and fame are within reach.

So why would this tide of feminism hit us so hard, that we forget that a child is a child, a youth is a youth despite their gender?

To date, am still trying to figure out exactly the role of a woman representative in a county, other than to be the woman in that room.

I mean, boys and girls have different challenges, but there should be equivocal support for them at all levels.

This is why the Chauvinist is back, to level the playing field.

The first lady I talked to about this told me, I’ve to be jealous, am I?😕

Jummahsteve.

Dark Matter s1 Finale. – Review.

Jays Bubble

One word – whatthefuckwasthat

Okay- that’s not technically a word but still, what the fuck was that.

I personally really liked the little conflict between one and three, especially when he [ three ] was sitting outside ones room, he was so pin – pointed on proving that one was the one who erased their memories and stole the androids chip, that he didn’t even think to suspect anyone else which gave Six the perfect chance while all else was distracted he went and did all that shit.

Or did he.

Now, here’s what I think, I think that six isn’t actually working with the authorities. Maybe he woke up in time, and because there was one of them beside him and not two, they couldn’t drag him like they did with the rest of the crew. I feel like Four is getting over looked, that man is shady a’f…

View original post 373 more words

Homestretch 

            With the general election coming up,  fear,  anger, hunger,   dismissals and appraisals alike have created sceptical minds around the country.  The news channels are filled with political hemorrhage. Propaganda is at its best. Every bit of it brings out political aspirants as carnivores with drawn claws and teeth ready to pounce on their opponents given the slightest  opportunity. Campaign rallies have politicians using more time throwing tantrums like confetti to their opponents than the time spent on outling how best to represent us if given chance.  Largely, this situation downs to group the nation into three : politicians,  the media house and Wanjiku. 
       Politicians are busy going for their opponents neck and trying all means possible to get elected and more especially,  the highest throne(presidency) has the biggest competitors. The media houses are filled with news,  articles,  interviews and shows painting for us the political scene,  and then there is the normal mwananchi with a list of needs to be addressed.

The big fight has NASA(National Super Alliance) chanting #10MillionStrong,  and Raila is tye Joshua to deliver  Kenyans to Canaan. On the other hand,  Uhuruto team of #70plus still have faith in the incumbent government. Listening to the two types of supporters,  their favorite candidates are angels with biblical truth while opponents are liars and devils incarnate,  no questions asked . There is a very thin line between a baseless rumor,  cheap propaganda and actual fact. The media houses have ensured this. 

But then there is Wanjiku,  the patriot who has a list of demands that are actually needs but only appear like favors to the politician. She could gladly vote for Muthiora’s Dr. Kaluyu if convinced he has her best interest at heart.  

If all everyone wished  the best for this country,  it would be very simple.  Peaceful,  transparent,  free and fair elections are held. Whoever wins takes charge of the country and serves Wanjiku. Anyone with evidence of corruption,  rigging or conspiracy for that matter  forwards the case to the courts and lawful action is taken. 

Kenya is wonderfully diverse with many tribes,  several races who have different political affiliations. Nevertheless,  we all love this country and whatever happens on 8th August,  we will still be here. Political temperatures are near boiling point. On the material day and even after,  we should remain peaceful,  lest the 2007/2008 post election violence appears like a christmas party. 

By  S. Jummah 

Kenya-A horse on heat! 

Few days ago,  I read a certain article about a jockey’s troubles with his horse. I know you are surprised. Just to be clear,  I don’t have a sudden  love or interest in horses,  I can’t even ride one let alone own one. But with lecturers nearer the streets rather than lecture halls,  I read anything about anything at my liberty,  it so happened to be horses. I noticed the major trouble for the jockey was that he wanted his horse’s companionship in a race,  but it was on heat- it would prefer a colt’s company instead.

 Then the other day I was eager to watch Jeff Koinange unveil his show on Citizen TV.  He never disappoints.  He was with one of my favorite linguistic figures in the country, Barrack Muluka and some other political analyst.  I wasn’t much interested in the real ideas,  I just love the choice of  words in these guys.  I mean you can swim or drown in their talk,  depending on your level of understanding. Then I noticed they take stands and have a very unique perspective on issues.     I’m no professor or political analyst,  but I also have my perspective on certain matters.  

Now about the horses, they are stubborn creatures sometimes,  but most stubborn when on heat.  They show certain characteristics. Most conspicuous they are irritable and easily startled.  

I  don’t know how you would describe the situation in kenya right now…Strikes are everywhere.  

HOT AIR

First it was IEBC out.  Of course we have new IEBC commissioners,  alongside subsequent strikes. Doctors have been at it for more than three months and counting.  Lecturers are on strike.  Nurses have been on strike. Then there are the uber drivers who also want their prices to go higher per kilometer.  I’m not sure how the  uber company in Netherlands  and our  government are related but that’s it.  Then if you watch news,  the pastors in Mombasa protesting about something of ‘not being consulted. 

Away with the strikes,  security in parts of Baringo has been terrible.  The Deputy president himself took to his heels upon hearing gunshots,  then followed a shoot to kill order.

  Notwithstanding,  political temperatures are rising as the general election date nears. Rallies that have accusers of pillage and plunder versus questioners of policies and verbal hemorrhage. 

The number of Kenyans affected by drought is now slightly above 1.7 million. 

 It is a really dire situation.

PERSPECTIVE 

What would you do if you were the President. Sitting at the apex of this situation.  No wonder am reading about some people accusing the Hon. Uhuru,  the president of ‘abusive language’  in his speech in Turkana recently.  Of course I don’t take sides. But the guy is taking in a lot to stay cooI. Furthermore you and I  know the country is in a very delicate situation right now. 

To be a little bit more figurative am beating my chest- If Kenya would be a horse,  it is definitely on heat! !!  

By Jummah